Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Dreams and Us

My husband turns 30 this year.
And to mark this step into the official adulthood of man, he did what most responsible men would, he bought a super bike. Let me correct myself, before he hacks into my account and corrects it himself, it an adventure tourer - The triumph tiger XCX. (yes i remembered that without having to run down to check the bike).

The first time Sagar told me about his dream to buy a bike, a serious dream that he was considering turning into a reality, i resisted. The financial implications, the safety issues, immediately sprung to my mind. I asked him for some time to think about it.
He is a person who has very little wants in ordinary life. I persuade him to buy  clothes when i get tired of looking at the same things on him, i urge him to buy jeans because he is not 16 anymore to wear pants torn at the knees. Shoes are bought when current pair snaps under the pressure of constant use. He has no particular restaurant that he HAS to visit every month, or any coffee place that he NEEDS to go to every evening. Entertainment for him is not to go clubbing or for a movie, but have an evening on the terrace with me, or his friends. He can sit evening on evening at home and not get bored.
So when a guy with such few needs, comes up to you and says he wants a bike, you know he means it. You know he has thought over it, studied all implications and after over analyzing it, has come to you for your opinion.
So i knew he had thought about the financial implications, he had thought about safety issues, he had thought about parking and he had thought about accessories. 
But a doubt lingered.

When i asked him about which bike he wanted to buy, the spark in his eye and the gestures of his otherwise rigid hands gave away how much he wanted it. 
He had come to me not to ask me for my opinion of which bike to buy, but for my reassurance. To tell him that he should go ahead, take the plunge.
I did just that. 

Despite a lot of pressure from family, from some friends who advised against it, i asked him to go ahead. Becasue i had seen how badly he wanted it. And if he could not gather courage to buy the bike at this age, there was no way he would be buying it at any time after that.
That's when i realized the saying that when you have age on your side you lack money, and when you have money you have missed out on age, couldn't be more true, And if by a little struggle it was possible that the two things were actually overlapping, why should he not go for it?

With all these deep thoughts, many of which i am sure never reached the right conclusion in his head, he decided to go ahead. A day or two before, he asked me - i really want this. But i am scared. is it worth it? 
The question of whether it was going to make him happy - was too simple to solve his doubt. 
That's when i gave him my bag philosophy, (Finally i had found something that might convince him that no matter how many bags you buy, you never have enough is true!) It's simple - if you buy it and you realize it is not what you wanted or not what you can afford - you lose a little bit of your money, you enjoy the bag (bike) as best as you can, and in a few years you get over it. But if you don't buy it at all, you will never know whether it was the bag (bike) of your dreams, in which case your dream may have come true and happiness would have been for you to have, or you realize it was not what you wanted, so you work a little harder, earn a little bit more money and continue dreaming! The never knowing bit will eat at you every day though.
It sounds so dramatic, but it is so true. 
How many times have people looked at their dream across the abyss, but never taken that leap of faith? How many people express regret every year that they grow older, of things they missed out on?

My father took this leap of faith, when he quit is job and started his own business in an obscure little town 25 odd years ago. My mother took this leap of faith with my dad, supporting him and moving from her home city to Aurangabad without a single word of complaint, my grandmother took this leap of faith too, when she moved with them to support her son and daughter in law, leaving behind an established social circle, so important at an older stage in your life.
My sister took a leap of faith when she refused to study the usual science, commerce route and studied liberal arts, and lived in a village to understand organic farming, and went to Ahmedabad to work with innovators in the field of education and today we are all very proud of the work that she is doing for the AMC and the city of Aurangabad. 

Today, Sagar is a proud owner of a bike of his dream and i am so proud of him.
We are busy planning trips on the bike, he gets up every Sunday morning to go on a bike ride with his friends o placed near and around Pune. Who would have thought he would get up early on a Sunday?! He goes down every morning to have a look at his bike like it is some precious baby that has been locked up in another room. He goes to the gym on his bike, he talks about it like it a person with a heart and feelings. It has a name. It has a place.
He says he has me to thank, quite sweetly, but every time i hear the bike rev i wonder if the roads are safe enough, if his helmet is sturdy enough, if his jacket strong enough. 
I think it's time i ask for a bag. That is the only thing i can think of that is going to calm my nerves :)


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