A right time for everything?
Is there a right time for everything?
Just how important is timing in our lives?
This thought is put out by my mother every time i meet her - usually in connection with my "baby making" activities. I am 28 years old and will soon hit the 30 mark - before which i should ideally have had 2 children. Given the crunching time frame my mother has decided to be content with one! And this is what she tells me every time the topic comes up - which like I said is every time i meet her.
She absolutely believes that before 30 is the "right time" and after 30- even if it is not a "wrong time", it is not the right time either. This she backs with scientific reasoning - age, growing impatience, body functions, and when all this fails to make an impact - "you will be 60 when your kid graduates".
All these make absolute sense in my head and i can understand what she is trying to say, but i don't know whether all these reasons trump over the fact that I am just NOT READY. She does not understand this. What does not being ready mean, she asks.
For me it means a lot of things -
ME - Financially can i provide the best for my child?
MOM - The kid does not demand a lot - it is the parents who want to give the child the best toys, clothes. Do you think a month old baby understands brands?
POINT MOM
ME - What about money for the kid's education. Do you know how expensive it is to put children through school now?
MOM - we earned half of what you are earning now and managed to put you and your sister to the best school in the city. It was a strain in the beginning, but we sacrificed and look at you two today! Are you telling me you can't buy one less dress, go out for 4 less dinners or cancel a few international holidays for your own child?
POINT MOM
ME - We won't have a life of our own, the kid will ruin it all. I mean look at my marriage right now. We are in heaven - working, earning and planning holidays to spend our earnings. I don't want to change any of that. Why would you change something good?
MOM - to make room for something more beautiful. What you think of as a burden right now, will become your life. I can't explain the feeling
POINT - I DON'T KNOW. MOM, I guess
ME - Does it not hurt?
MOM - We didn't have half the facilities that you kids have today.
POINT MOM
By this time i can see my mom beating me point by point and I am still not convinced that i am ready to have a kid.
ME - I don't want to have this discussion. i will have a child when i feel like - not because you want me to!
MOM - I don't understand your generation!
POINT ME! Yes!
I know this conversation is going to be repeated when we meet again; and again I am going to be aware of the grain of truth behind my mom's words. It is amazing how with age i appreciate every little thing that my mom tried teaching us. Maybe some day i will turn around and understand this too!
All my mom hopes is that by then the "right time" has not slipped by!
Chill MA!
Just how important is timing in our lives?
This thought is put out by my mother every time i meet her - usually in connection with my "baby making" activities. I am 28 years old and will soon hit the 30 mark - before which i should ideally have had 2 children. Given the crunching time frame my mother has decided to be content with one! And this is what she tells me every time the topic comes up - which like I said is every time i meet her.
She absolutely believes that before 30 is the "right time" and after 30- even if it is not a "wrong time", it is not the right time either. This she backs with scientific reasoning - age, growing impatience, body functions, and when all this fails to make an impact - "you will be 60 when your kid graduates".
All these make absolute sense in my head and i can understand what she is trying to say, but i don't know whether all these reasons trump over the fact that I am just NOT READY. She does not understand this. What does not being ready mean, she asks.
For me it means a lot of things -
ME - Financially can i provide the best for my child?
MOM - The kid does not demand a lot - it is the parents who want to give the child the best toys, clothes. Do you think a month old baby understands brands?
POINT MOM
ME - What about money for the kid's education. Do you know how expensive it is to put children through school now?
MOM - we earned half of what you are earning now and managed to put you and your sister to the best school in the city. It was a strain in the beginning, but we sacrificed and look at you two today! Are you telling me you can't buy one less dress, go out for 4 less dinners or cancel a few international holidays for your own child?
POINT MOM
ME - We won't have a life of our own, the kid will ruin it all. I mean look at my marriage right now. We are in heaven - working, earning and planning holidays to spend our earnings. I don't want to change any of that. Why would you change something good?
MOM - to make room for something more beautiful. What you think of as a burden right now, will become your life. I can't explain the feeling
POINT - I DON'T KNOW. MOM, I guess
ME - Does it not hurt?
MOM - We didn't have half the facilities that you kids have today.
POINT MOM
By this time i can see my mom beating me point by point and I am still not convinced that i am ready to have a kid.
ME - I don't want to have this discussion. i will have a child when i feel like - not because you want me to!
MOM - I don't understand your generation!
POINT ME! Yes!
I know this conversation is going to be repeated when we meet again; and again I am going to be aware of the grain of truth behind my mom's words. It is amazing how with age i appreciate every little thing that my mom tried teaching us. Maybe some day i will turn around and understand this too!
All my mom hopes is that by then the "right time" has not slipped by!
Chill MA!
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